surrender to darkness Read online

  I looked up to find Christian, Connor, and Stephan come into the room and wish Lex good luck. I had to bring up to them sometime that I knew what Isabelle did. Right when we were going into another fight didn’t seem appropriate, but when the time came, I was going to at least tell them that they should have told me. Of course, then they would say that they didn’t want me to be upset with Isabelle, and then I’d lie and say I wouldn’t have been. Maybe because I could play the whole conversation out in my head already meant we shouldn’t even have the conversation…. I guessed that’s what happened when you were as close with someone—or four someones—as you could be.

  Lex started to follow Soren out of the room so I lunged forward. I pulled her into a hug and said, “I believe in you.”

  It only seemed appropriate. With what she told me earlier, I was now confident in saying that both she and Samuel had believed in me, too. The feeling was one-hundred percent reciprocated. Lex was my mentor. Her strength, her fierceness, it was all what I aspired to be. Not because I had to protect the princes, but because that’s what I wanted to be known for, the same things she was known for.

  She ran a hand through my hair, twisting it around my ear like my mother used to do. She didn’t say anything, but she smiled. Aside from the princes, it was one of the most genuine smiles I’d ever seen. No hesitation, no fear, just straight up determination.

  She turned and walked from the room. T.J. followed after, spinning his wheelchair wheels as fast as he could. “She’ll be fine, Ariana. She’s tough as nails.”

  I knew that. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind about her skills or character.

  When they left the room, Connor walked forward and picked me up in his arms so that I towered above them all. “Don’t fret, Princess. Lex is going to kick some ass.”

  He opened his grip just enough so I slid down his front. When I got to his ear, I whispered, “Did you hear Gregor kissed the top of her head?”

  He pulled his head away to stare at me, but it was Christian who answered. “No way.”

  I could tell trying to keep any type of secrets in this big ol’ relationship was going to be tough.

  Nic nodded. “He sure did.”

  “Huh.”

  “Ri got all emotional about it.”

  I shoved Nic in the shoulder. “I did not.”

  He mouthed, ‘liar’ at me, but took my hand in his and led me first through the doorway.

  The crowd grew louder, and I assumed it was because Lex had just entered the matted down grassy arena. I closed my eyes for a second and prayed. Lex needed to make it out. Out of all of them, she needed to.

  “I can’t wait to celebrate a victory tonight,” Connor said. He waggled his eyebrows at me, and I grinned before rolling my eyes.

  When we walked outside, I stopped in my tracks. The crowd was like nothing else we’d seen yet. They were stomping their feet, screaming. And no wonder. Soren was right. Diesel was huge. The Dumont Clan spectators were warring with our spectators as if they were as much involved in the fight as the warriors were. The Dumont Clan was hyped up on a sure win. No wonder they felt that way when you had someone the size of Diesel going against Lex, but our side wasn’t going to go down like that. For as loud and as frenzied as the Dumont’s got, our people gave it right back to them. The electricity in the air was astounding. It crackled through my veins and set me on fire.

  We hurried forward and took our places next to Gregor and Isabelle and sandwiched between T.J. and Soren.

  I put a hand on T.J.’s shoulder and looked over top of his head to Soren. He had a gleam in his eye as he caught my stare briefly before surveying the crowd again. It was apparent he was used to this type of crowd. How the hell did these Dumont Clan people live? Was it a raging party or fight spectacular there every day? They were like rabid animals who didn’t even need a full moon to get their crazy on.

  In the arena, Lex and Diesel clashed together. I jerked my head up to watch them and again was stunned. Soren wasn’t kidding. Diesel was huge. He towered over Lex by at least a few feet, both height and width. His body was disproportionately big as if he was on vamp steroids. He came at her, and like in training, she parried him blow for blow. I leaned forward, clutching the wooden fence just to the front of me. He threw punches like a hammer, banging down on her as if she was a flea and he a dragon. Still, her confidence didn’t waiver, or at least, I couldn’t tell from this vantage point. On the defensive, she moved back until they were only feet away from us. She was so close I could see the tie she’d put in the braid down her back was becoming loose.

  “Show him what you got,” Soren whispered.

  Aloud, T.J. called out, “Do this, Lex! C’mon!”

  As if she heard them, which was practically impossible with all the other noise going on, she went on the offensive. She blocked one of his blows and moved out of the way, turning the tables on him. She didn’t wait for him to recover, but came at him from the side, getting in a few cuts with the sharp end of the stake in her hand before he began to block her. She didn’t let up. She did to him what he’d just done to her, coming at him with strike after strike as he backed up. None of them were kill shots, just shots that were there to prove why she was in the arena. Shots that if added up might make him tired, or at the very least, take her seriously. Just by her size, he probably figured he was a sure win. I knew Lex though. She had heart with the skill to back it up. She was like a spiritual Bruce Lee.

  Back and forth, they traded blows. Due to Diesel’s size, he wasn’t as fast as an ordinary vampire, but one thing he did have was the strength of his blows. After several minutes, the sheer force of them was becoming harder and harder for Lex to block. She resorted to stepping just outside his reach to conserve her energy. Like Samuel, Diesel was content with using his mallet-head fists. He threw a hook, which Lex ducked under and then through a flurry of straight punches to her head which she dodged one after another until she misjudged the distance once and he struck her nose. Her head whipped back as if she’d been in a car accident.

  Instead of shock, her eyes narrowed more as if she zeroed in on her target. With a trickle of blood running from her nose, she struck back. With a wide, sweeping arc, she brought the stake down, but he moved and it landed in his shoulder and stuck. Lex tried to pull it out, but quickly abandoned the idea and pulled out another stake from her waistband. Stepping back, Diesel pulled the stake out of his shoulder and threw it. The people to the side ducked as it spun through the air and disappeared. Gasping, I looked back into the arena to find they’d resumed their back and forth.

  It was a close match. Neither one seemed better than the other. For all the talk of Diesel being big, he didn’t overpower her in too many ways. His blows, though powerful, were handled by Lex smartly. When she realized how hard they were coming down, she employed stepping out of the way instead of blocking or parrying each one which would tire her out. Every time one of them landed a blow, the corresponding clan spectators roared like we were on the Gladiator movie set. I was one of them. Minutes and minutes passed. It was by far the longest fight yet. They were both slowing.

  I peeked over to the side of the arena at Dumont. Oddly enough, his stance mirrored Soren’s. Both had one arm crossed over their body while the other fitted just under their chin, watching the fight intently.

  An eruption from the opposing side grabbed my attention. I didn’t see what happened, but Lex was now bleeding out the other side of her nose. Diesel stood back and gasped for breath. It was less a move of being tired and looked more like he was a bull getting ready to charge. While he stood, the nails on his fingers elongated.

  My stomach bottomed out. I’d been cut before by a vampire’s claws. They were poisonous. I blew out a breath and watched as Diesel came at her again. She did what she’d been doing, except with the extra length on his fingers, she wasn’t able to get out of the way in time. He slashed her two times in the shoulders, both with the right and left hand. I sucked in a breath. Her black
shirt ripped open in those spots and blood surfaced, pooling at the top. My heart thundered in my chest as I watched.

  Stepping further away, she got out of his reach three, then four times before kicking out with her right leg. She stomp kicked him in the stomach. Unfortunately, with his size, he barely moved. She came in right afterward like she would if someone had actually moved from the kick, except there was nowhere for her to go. She brought the stake up toward his neck, but it was too late. Diesel slashed his long, black claws horizontally, his massive hands swinging through the air with a speed we hadn’t yet seen before.

  The whole world paused. I blinked, trying to make sense of the view before me, but all of a sudden, it went black. I pushed at the object in front of me, air pulling into my lungs with a gasp before I smelled Nic’s musky scent.

  I saw… I saw—

  “Shh,” Nic said. He turned my body around. “You don’t want to see that.”

  I shook my head. No, it couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. Lex…

  “For Christ’s sake, get her out of here,” T.J. said.

  Around me, the world fell away and the only thing that replayed in my head was the very last second of the fight. Diesel’s claws, they’d severed Lex’s neck.

  But that couldn’t be, right? That was some ghastly memory from a video game or gory movie. That surely didn’t just happen in front of me right now.

  But no, it was true. I’d seen the same loosening tie in the back of Lex’s braid as it swooshed to the side with the force of his blow.

  At my feet, I saw T.J.’s wheelchair push back, empty. With all my might, I pushed at Nic. Whether surprise or taken aback from the scene itself, it worked. Freedom. I spun and followed T.J.’s limping figure out into the arena. I surpassed him and landed on my knees in front of Lex’s figure. She was pale, the blood dripping from her nose had stopped, drying in its place while I stared at her head. I shook her, but there was no reaction.

  T.J. fell to his knees beside me and grasped the sides of his hair as he bent over her. An agonizing scream ricocheted through my eardrums as the Dumont Clan celebrated. Turning, I lost the contents of my stomach right there next to her body.

  She’d been so sure she would win. So sure…

  Hands picked me up from behind and pulled me to him. Christian’s warm body surrounded me as Nicolai bent in the spot I’d just been in. He dropped his head over Lex, his face more stricken than I’d ever seen it. In front of us, a proud, smiling figure made its way into view. Rage burst through my veins and I struggled against Christian, but it was no use. He held me like a vise.

  Gregor was there in a second. He maneuvered himself in between his clan and Dumont. Not an hour ago, he’d kissed the top of Lex’s head. Not an hour ago, we’d all been so positive she’d win. He’d worn her down. She was tired, and with his size, Diesel hadn’t reacted the way anyone else would have and in an instant, she was gone.

  “Next time, don’t put a woman in to do a man’s job, Gregor. Especially a human woman. It’s just…too sad, for all parties.”

  I let out an inhuman roar and Christian held me closer. There was a sharp prick on my shoulder and the world went blurry, then fell away and turned dark.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I awoke in my bed—alone. A slight figure sat just at the edge. I blinked, adjusting to my surroundings and wondering if everything that had just rushed into my head had actually happened. When the figure turned toward me, the bed barely moved.

  Isabelle.

  “You’re awake,” she said, trying to smile. “Don’t be mad at Stephan. I told him it would be best for you if he gave you something to calm you.”

  Something to calm me? He knocked me out! “What time is it? Where is everyone?”

  She got more comfortable and stared over at me as I tried to look out the window to gauge the time or find a clock. Shifting her weight, she said, “It’s well into the night, Ariana. The princes are with Gregor and arranging the services for Lex tomorrow morning. There was…a lot to be done.” I tried to push the comforter off me, but she stayed my hand. “Please stay for a moment. I know you want to help, you always want to help, but do you mind sitting with me for a moment?”

  She was too nice. Too formal. Every second was like painting a mask of calm on her face. It wasn’t just me who’d been affected by Lex’s death. She’d been their guard for many years. “I’m sorry about Lex,” I said, my throat burning. I clutched at my stomach as it flipflopped and hoped I wasn’t going to be sick again. I closed my eyes tight and then opened them again right away because when I closed them, all I saw was that last second of Lex’s life and it was a more gruesome scene than I’d ever witnessed before—even more so than the car accident when I was young.

  “I’m sorry as well,” she said, her voice catching. She cleared her throat and stuck her chin in the air. “I’m not going to act as if you don’t know what I did for you at the Council meeting when they were deciding who the fighters were going to be. I never meant to keep it a secret from you. I just couldn’t find the right time to tell you why I did it.” She picked at the comforter in front of her. “Because of this,” she said softly. “Because of this very outcome, this very feeling, because of these very wretched plans and contingencies and sadness. Utter sadness. My boys are filled with sorrow, but had it been you, Ariana, they would not be able to cope. I would never have them again, not like I had them before. I couldn’t help myself but to ask Lex and Samuel for your safety.”

  “But you said everything would turn out in the end. What happened to that?”

  “I still think it will, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be hardships along the way. We lost our best warrior tonight and our training instructor the night before. Even if we win, we have a lot to overcome. Better that it is rebuilding our defenses and replacing people than it be about the complete loss and devastation of our family over not having you.”

  “I don’t think Samuel’s family would agree with you. Or L—” I stopped. Lex had told me herself she didn’t have any family. There was no one to mourn her and that gutted me again.

  “It wasn’t meant to be that your life was worth more than theirs. It was about being secure that at least I would have my family intact when all this was over. We were supposed to win all of the fights, Ariana. Gregor was so sure. That’s what happens when you’re right about something and you know it deep down within your soul, you believe that it already happened. That it’s a given. What most of us don’t realize though is that we may have to fight for it to get it. In this case, it was literally fighting to get it, and we had losses on the way.”

  “The princes want to leave, you know. They talked about it before and now that Lex didn’t win, they’ll want to go now. I know it.”

  She nodded. “They haven’t mentioned it to me yet, but I’m not surprised. I’d do the same thing. I did do almost the same thing, didn’t I? That is one way in which we are very much the same. None of us can stand to have our families torn apart. It’s that way with vampires because we’re with each other for so long. We have a longer future, as long as we want to make it.”

  “It’s that way with humans, too. No one would choose to separate from their family if they didn’t have to. It’s just you’re given an excuse from nature that you don’t have to.” I pulled myself up and took a deep breath. “You’re the lucky ones.”

  Her look turned thoughtful. “I suppose we are.”

  It was silent for a few moments. My head throbbed behind my eyes. Isabelle handed me a glass of water that was on the nightstand next to the bed. I drank it eagerly and put it back down again. “What will you do if the princes want to leave?”

  Her eyebrows pulled in. “What do you mean?”

  “Will you try to stop them?”

  “Of course not. I think you should all go. Gregor and I can meet up with you after all this is over with.”

  “But what about Gregor’s fight? If we win the next fight, he’ll have to go into the arena agai
nst Dumont. And if we don’t win, the princes are worried that Dumont won’t honor his treaty. You may never see them again if that happens.”

  She nodded. “I see where you’re going with this now. Sacrifice, Ariana. I would love nothing more than to be with my sons, but, as a parent, my concern is about their well-being, their future. Of course I would want them there with us, especially if my Gregor has to fight, but knowing that you are all safe and far away from here would give me greater strength than having to worry about what might happen to you all if you stayed behind with us.”

  I sighed. That I could understand. “Peace of mind.”

  “Exactly. That’s one reason why I asked they spare you from the fights. My sons have been able to help prepare for the fights without having to worry over you and your safety. If they would’ve had to worry about your upcoming fight, they wouldn’t have assisted half so much. There would be nothing left of them, just an all-consuming fear.”

  “You talk as if you’ve felt all this before.”

  A distant look crowded Isabelle’s gaze. I looked away, unable to watch her sort through her past and emotions. After a few moments, she said, “I hope you’re not upset with me that I spoke on your behalf.”

  That was a loaded question, and with all the other worries happening right now, it was at the bottom of my list. “I understand why you did it,” I told her. I couldn’t muster the lie to say ‘thank you’ and telling her that I was mad at her wasn’t completely right either. It happened, and that was that. We could only react to the things that happened to us. Honestly, there was no sense in looking at the past because the past didn’t change the future. If you didn’t like the outlook of your future, you had to change it for yourself in the present. No one was going to do it for you and it obviously didn’t make any sense to lament anything that happened in the past. It was done. Over with. Unrecoverable. The future puzzle pieces were just there, waiting to be locked into place. There was wiggle room. There were decisions to be made and mountains to climb and foundations to rock. The future was anything we wanted it to be as long as we were still breathing in air, and so far, my princes and I were all still breathing in air.