surrender to darkness Read online

  “I agree,” I said, moving closer to him. “What do you think they’ll do tonight? We need a plan.”

  He nodded solemnly before resting a hand on my upper arm and then pulling himself up into a standing position and approaching the training area. Lex and Nic looked up, and T.J. and Zeke followed soon after. Soren put his hands up as if to stave off any questioning and then started in. “I believe they will be sending in Diesel. I’ve tried all this morning, as I’ve done in days past, to gather any information about who they’re sending in and they’re being very quiet. Their win yesterday has made them more confident.”

  “They didn’t win yesterday,” Nic said, his voice deepening into an almost growl.

  Soren stared at Nicolai in exasperation. “One of your guys is dead and one of theirs isn’t. I call that a win for them.” Nic opened his mouth to try to say something, but Soren spoke over top of him. “Regardless, I think I know what they’ll do tonight. They’ll send Diesel in. He’s their best fighter and their thinking will be to send him in to kick you guys while you are down. If they can rack up another win for them, you’ll be even more defeated. Because of this, I think we should focus on Lex’s fight with him.” He turned toward Zeke. “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t train, but I’m going to be talking strategy with her the whole time.”

  Nic’s eyebrows pulled together. “Are you sure? It seems more likely Dumont would send in someone else and that would make it Zeke’s fight. This way, they save Diesel for when they really need the sure win. Right now, we’re tied up so a win isn’t necessary. If I were Dumont, I’d save Diesel to ensure my fight with Gregor.”

  “He doesn’t want to fight Gregor.”

  Nic’s sneer grew. “Doesn’t want to fight Gregor?” He chuckled darkly and the hair on my arms rose. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  Soren straightened his shoulders. “I have a long history with Dumont. He won’t want to get his hands dirty. He doesn’t want to fight Gregor at all. What he’ll want to do is send in his best guy to get the ‘easy win’. Therefore, devastating the Ravana Clan even further and almost ensuring the last win for themselves since they’ll have the upper hand.”

  I shot Nic a look after his lip twitched. I understood both their reasoning, but Soren knew Dumont better and he hadn’t steered us wrong so far. Nic just shrugged and admired one of the stakes he held in his hand.

  Seeing as how that seemed to be all settled, Soren turned to Lex and began the lengthy rundown on Diesel again. All of which she’d heard a thousand times before. I could almost repeat it to her word-for-word myself if needed, and I was positive I hadn’t heard it quite as many times as she had. Not that I blamed Soren, he was just being cautious. I was glad he was that way. No matter what Nic thought, Soren was a great asset to us. Who better to tell us who to send in than him? He knew all these guys. Nic and I had been over this plenty of times before. I didn't understand why he still doubted him. To me, it was a no-brainer. If we didn't have him, we might not have even secured the one win we did have. At least with him, we had the upper-hand. We knew things about them they didn't know about us.

  I stepped toward Nic so we could discuss this again, but Lex and Soren intercepted me. “Young One, can you work parries with Lex, please? I want you to just throw anything at her as fast as you can.”

  Nic gave me a smirk and shrugged. He’d known I was coming over to him and was probably happy my attempt had been thwarted. Sometimes I wondered if he really didn’t like Soren or if he was just being argumentative because he knew it bothered me. I shook my head, trying to put all that out of my head so I could focus on training and stepped in front of Lex. I took cues from Soren and did exactly what he told me to do. I threw punches and kicks in succession. Last night was good practice for this. When he told me to pause, I did so, circling her, and when he told me to go, we did the same thing, circling one another with blow after blow that she parried, blocked, or just plain old moved out of the way.

  “Remember, he’s fast,” Soren said. “He is the strongest fighter they have. He will do everything he can to take you out. I’ve trained with him. He will not stop. He’s much worse than Samuel’s opponent. He won’t rely on cheating because he won’t have to. He will beat you down and beat you down until you want to give up. You’ll feel like you can’t go on any longer, but you’ll have to.”

  He said all this while Lex and I went after one another. I attacked her harder, knowing what she would have to go up against. If this Diesel guy was going to try and break her down, I had to give her everything I had. I had to be just as good as him and try to take her down.

  She was brilliant though. She took everything I gave her and did something with it. She didn’t take it any further than just the first barrier even though she very easily could have. She just waited for me to hit, then blocked. I did it again and again and she had no problem not getting hurt. By the time Soren called it quits for a break, I bent over at the knees and gulped in air. We may have only did a five-minute round, but it felt like hours.

  “Break, everyone. You're going to need it. We’ll go at it again in a half hour. You can work some easy things, but do not go that hard. We need you fresh for the fight too.”

  Lex and I nodded. When he stepped away, I went for the bench and heaved myself down on it.

  “Good job,” Lex said. “I really appreciate you helping me.”

  “Good job? I didn't get one shot in.”

  She smirked. “Isn’t that kind of the point? I mean, if I’m doing my job right.”

  I chuckled and shook my head at her after accepting a water bottle from Nic. I watched as he walked away and joined Zeke again before saying, “I guess, but it’s still not good for my confidence.”

  She gave me a dumbfounded look. “Ariana, you have to know that you’re doing amazing. If it wasn’t for Isabelle—”

  Her eyes widened and she abruptly cut herself off. My eyes narrowed as I stared at her awkward reaction. “If it wasn’t for Isabelle what...?” I asked.

  Lex sneaked a peek behind me and then moved closer. “I wasn’t sure if Samuel ended up telling you or not.”

  Nerves built in the bottom of my stomach. “Tell me what?”

  She blew out a breath. “Isabelle. She asked us not to send you in to fight. We were about to announce to everyone who we picked and she stood up and asked us not to send you. She really cares for you, Ariana.”

  My mouth dropped. I couldn’t believe it. She asked them not to send me in. How did I not know this? The princes were there. The princes... I whipped my head around and looked for Nicolai. They hadn’t told me. Why hadn’t they told me? I’d felt like shit when they didn’t pick me, and this whole time they’d know what really happened, but never said anything?

  Lex noticed where my gaze landed. She put her hand on my knee. “It wasn’t their decision. Yes, they were there, but they seemed genuinely surprised when Isabelle said what she did. I think they all kind of thought we were going to pick you. In fact, no one knew but Samuel and I who we really did pick.” She lifted her head up and watched Zeke for a few seconds. “Not that I don’t think he’ll do okay. I think he’ll do fine, but I know you have more of a reason to fight. Samuel knew that too.”

  I tore my gaze away from Nicolai and looked back at Lex. “Samuel said that?” A new roll of embarrassment turned my stomach. “He didn’t mention anything like that when we talked. In fact, he was pretty upset with me.”

  Her forehead wrinkled.“If he was upset with you, it was probably because he wanted to send you in, but couldn’t tell you why we weren’t. We were one-hundred percent sure in our decision until Isabelle asked that of us.”

  I rubbed my temple. This was just all too much to take in.

  “I wouldn't blame Isabelle either. If I was her, and had the decision to keep those I loved away from this mess, I would do the same. You’re young, Ariana. You have your whole life ahead of you. I know you want to help, but there are other ways you can help, too. It just
wasn’t meant to be this time. I stress, this time. When we win, I’m sure there are going to be other opportunities to fight for the Ravanas. That’s kind of what happens when you’re the ones in charge, people always threaten your leadership. It comes with the territory.”

  I took a deep breath and thought it all through. I had gone back and forth about the fight myself. Did I want to fight and risk everything I had? Not really, but I was also sure I could win. I would fight for the princes and nothing would stop me. “It should be me out there,” I said, half to myself. I watched as Zeke threw a flurry of punches at the hanging bag. It wasn’t fair.

  “Think about it though,” Lex said. “You have a lot to live for. Now that Samuel’s gone, I’m beginning to think even more that Isabelle had the right idea. If you died, I wouldn’t be able to face the princes again after making that decision. I can’t even look at the Rajyvik’s right now. The guilt…” She swallowed. “It’s a lot to bear. No one wants that hanging over their heads when it comes to you. Not that I wouldn’t have enjoyed having two women represent our clan out there. I was pretty proud of that fact.”

  I smiled. The vampire world was more progressive than the outside world, but that didn’t mean we didn’t have our fair share of naysayers. Especially with guys like Zeke out there. “Are you nervous at all?” I asked.

  Lex shook her head immediately. “No. I’ve trained for this almost my whole life. I’m going to leave it all out there in the arena. I’m ready. I have nothing holding me back here, and though I may not have four princes waiting for me to succeed, I have my honor and it has never steered me wrong so far. I’ll be walking out of that arena. You can count on that.”

  I stared into her eyes. There was nothing but confidence and determination in them. That was admirable. She truly believed, as I did, that she was walking out alive. If I’d been actually allowed to go in, I think a little part of me would still be in doubt. Could I really win? I was just Ariana Stuart. I was just an orphan from Calcutta who no one cared about one way or the other, and I was expected to win a fight that would help keep my clan in charge? It all seemed too surreal.

  I only hoped that when the time came for me to fight for them, there would be nothing but confidence deep down. Just like Lex.

  “Diesel’s going down. He doesn’t know who I am yet, but he will.”

  Soren cleared his throat and moved in front of us, his hands on his hips. “That’s what I want to hear. Now let’s get back to training. We have a fight to win later. And so help me God, Lex, if you go easy on your opponent, if he doesn’t kill you, I just might.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  This time, the crowd noise from outside permeated the training room walls. The clan members were restless, and fired up. Wave after wave of shouts echoed and then tapered off one right after the other. It sent a chill up my spine.

  When I walked back into the training room after a quick lunch break, T.J. was stationed behind Lex in his wheelchair while she sat on the bench in front of him. He leaned forward, his hands on her shoulders, massaging her muscles while her feet drummed up and down in front of her like a nervous parrot. She cocked her head from side-to-side and rolled her shoulders. In front of her, she clutched a single stake in her hand, grasping it firmly with both hands. It seemed like such an intimate moment, but when they heard my footsteps, they both turned, still continuing what looked like to be a pre-fight ritual.

  I eyed Zeke who sat in the corner, his elbows perched on his knees. He, too, had a stake in his hands which he twirled in front of him, rolling it between his fingers.

  “No Soren yet?” I ventured. As with every other fight, we were waiting on the final word from him. He was sure they were sending Diesel in and that it was Lex’s chance to secure us a win, but it didn’t hurt to be positive. As soon as he saw Diesel enter the ring, he would come get Lex and we would start these fights all over again.

  “Should be anytime now,” T.J. said.

  A figure came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. I didn’t have to look down to see that it was Nicolai.

  He passed by and went straight for Lex. He knelt in front of her and took her non-stake hand into his. He whispered something quick, which made Lex smile, and then he stood and returned to my side. I gave him a small smile even though he didn’t need it. Nicolai didn’t look nervous at all. Neither was Lex, but I still couldn’t stop the butterflies in my stomach from causing a ruckus. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so nervous if Samuel hadn’t died, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that anything could happen. I was sure Samuel would win too, and even though he did, it sure as hell didn’t seem like it since he was no longer with us.

  Gregor came in next. Lex started to stand, but he put his hand out to stop her. “You’ve served our family for many honorable years. I know you will do well out there, Lex. He may be their best fighter, but your ours, and we have one thing they don’t have—heart.”

  To me, there were a lot of things Gregor could’ve ended that sentence with. Heart was the most appropriate, but he could’ve just as easily said integrity, honor, the knowledge that we’re right, or the will to make change. The list could just go on and on.

  “Thank you, Gregor. I will do my best.”

  “That is all we can ask of our fighters.” He bent and gave her a kiss on the top of the head. Nicolai was stunned into immobility beside me. I, too, stared at them with wide eyes until Gregor stepped back and walked from the room. T.J. looked from the back of Lex’s head to the figure leaving on repeat until Gregor couldn’t be seen anymore.

  I reached out and latched my finger’s to Nicolai’s. Seeing something like that—such a benign expression of friendship or love—from a leader of our vampire clan to the leader of our human guards filled me with joy. Overpoweringly, I understood that I’d made the right decision to stay here, to try to fight for this world I loved. Change. Now that the world had gone to hell, we were breaking down the stereotypes and the prejudices. Who had time to worry about that stuff when something really worthy of being upset about, like survival, was before us? Gregor never would’ve made that show of affection to Lex before. One human guard had already won his fight against the Dumont Clan. Sadly, a vampire had died trying to recover our way of life, and soon, another human guard was being sent out. There would be another human guard tomorrow, and depending on the result of these two fights, Gregor himself would have to go in. I guessed stereotypes didn’t matter when all the other societal norms were breaking down right alongside everything else. Guards were fighting for this world just as the vampires were. I hadn’t realized that maybe that was the reason the princes and I weren’t getting any weird looks. Well, that was a lie, I could see people studying us, but no one came out and said anything. Was it because that in some weird way, these fights were bringing us together? These fights were showing us what was truly important, and vamp-human politics just wasn’t one of them?

  I squeezed Nicolai’s fingers tighter and closed my eyes. After all this—after we won—maybe my princes and I could really have a life together without hiding. I could live in this house not as their guard, but as their…person. Lately, we’d been operating under the impression that who you love just wasn’t a big deal when you were faced with much bigger obstacles, but could it be that everyone else was coming around to that same conclusion too?

  Lex caught my eye and winked. I gave her a half smile and then turned away. A sudden flash of heat pinkened my cheeks and burned the backs of my eyes. Everything I ever wanted was standing at the other side of these fights. Everything.

  Soren came in and clapped his hands together once. “We’re on, Ravana Clan. Diesel himself has just entered the arena.” He walked forward, his eyes trained on Lex. “Remember what I said, do not be alarmed at his size. I hope you took my advice and imagined the biggest person you could think of and then add a few feet and a hundred pounds. The worst thing you could do is go out there and act surprised at the sheer stature of the person standing in front of you
.”

  Lex nodded once. “No problem. I pictured The Hulk.”

  Soren cocked his head to the side, his dark locks falling across his face. “The green guy?” He nodded slowly as he thought about it. “Good likeness, but Diesel won’t be green. Do exactly what we discussed. We need a win, Lex, and you are the woman warrior to bring it to us. If they win again tonight, it’ll be almost impossible to defeat them, so you must.”

  “No pressure,” T.J. said, winking at Lex.

  Soren’s eyebrows raised. “I’m not accustomed to these jokes before big battles. I cannot tell if you are being serious about this or not.”

  I stifled a laugh. “They’re not being serious, but they are serious. Okay?”

  Soren shook his head. “That just made it all the more confusing, Young One. Maybe leave the explanations to someone else.”

  I chuckled aloud this time. T.J. and Lex went into pre-fight check as I walked up to Soren. “They’re serious about it. They’re just using humor to diffuse the tension.”

  “Oh, is that what is in here that I feel like I could use my left pinky to cut through? And you know how useless left pinkies are.”

  “Exactly,” I told him. Tension—as thick and easy to cut through with a left pinky. Wonderful.

  Lex stood and I finally took her all in. She had on the guard-issued black tactical gear just like she wore every day of her life. I knew that in her pant leg, there would be a holder for more stakes, and she no doubt had more wooden stakes around her belt or tucked into her waistband.

  Like she explained to me yesterday, she moved to the door with no apprehension. How could she not be the least bit scared or worried? It blew my mind. I guessed that was the difference between being good and being great. If I were in her position right now, I would probably throw up.

  Maybe that was why Isabelle didn’t want me in there.