surrender to darkness Read online

  Thankfully.

  Chapter Nineteen

  After Isabelle left, the princes returned shortly after. For once, I was the one who had to comfort them. I hugged each one of them in turn, trying to take their grief into me. Isabelle wasn’t wrong when she decided I didn’t need to be fighting. If I died, this would be the princes, only much, much worse. Even the thought of that splintered my heart.

  We all fell asleep clutched in one another’s arms. The morning was a whirlwind of drawn faces, tired eyes, and dressing in our best to go to Lex’s funeral. The princes wouldn’t talk about it, but I could only imagine what Isabelle meant when she mentioned there had been a lot to do. It wasn’t like when Samuel passed and there was just the one wound that they could put a suit over. Lex’s injury was much more…traumatic.

  As we walked to the Council room, my mind began to wander. How did we end up here? We were down two fights to one now. At the beginning of all this, I imagined we might lose a fight, but not two, and definitely not the two that we did. Lex, Samuel…

  A cold sweat broke out across my forehead. I swallowed and vowed to try to keep my thoughts clean.

  We walked into the Council room and I pretended I was a bystander just watching along as someone else played out their miserable day. When I saw Gregor sneak out the back entrance though, I followed him, asking the princes to stay behind. I didn’t have this discussion with them yet and I certainly wasn’t going to right now. Not with all this happening.

  I pushed the secret door open and walked a few steps before Gregor was in front of me. His face was white, ashen almost. “Ariana.” He tried to smile, but his grief couldn’t be covered up like an unwanted skin blemish. “How does everything look out there? Okay, I hope.”

  I shrugged. To be honest, I hadn’t even looked. Too busy trying to pretend that nothing bad was happening. “Gregor, I’d like to discuss something with you.” I didn’t give him time to react. More than anything, I didn’t want to be pushed aside. I was well aware that this wasn’t a good time, but there wasn’t going to be a good time. Not with the situation we were in. “I want to fight tonight.”

  Gregor’s head reeled back. “Impossible. Zeke is fighting. Samuel and Lex chose him as one of the top four.”

  “I know that Isabelle asked them not to choose me. I know—”

  “That doesn’t mean that you would’ve been chosen, Ariana. There were many good prospects, but Lex and Samuel chose who they thought would be right.”

  My eyes widened a little. So he didn’t even know they’d wanted me. “I agree with you, except that Lex told me yesterday before her fight that she and Samuel wanted to choose me. In fact, they did choose me, but when Isabelle stood up on my behalf, they changed it to Zeke at the last moment.”

  Gregor’s face fell. He closed his eyes and gathered his composure while I watched. “After all that you’ve seen—what could happen—you want to fight?” He pointed behind me toward the Council room. “What happens if it ends up being you out there tomorrow?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I can’t explain it. I know I need to do this though. It was supposed to be me the entire time. I know the risks. I understand what could happen, but now more than ever we need a win, Gregor. If we lose tonight, there’s no more Ravana Clan, at least not in the way we enjoy right now. If we lose tonight, there won’t be an opportunity for you to even fight. The princes are even talking about leaving to make sure we’re all safe. The world is crumbling and you need to have your best fighter out there. Lex and Samuel thought that was me.”

  Gregor turned and leaned his back against the stone hallway. He slouched a little under an imaginary weight, though it wasn’t so imaginary. I’d put this all on him, but that’s what he signed up for when he wanted to be clan leader. He sighed. “Do you know how difficult it is to be husband and father, and leader? The thought of my sons leaving with you brings me relief, but also shocks me to the point that I want to tell them no. When everyone notices they’re gone, all hope will be lost. Your leaving will be taken as if the Ravanas don’t even believe we can win, so people might as well disperse now. Hope means everything. Without hope, there is nothing to fight for. I believe you know that feeling, too.”

  “It’s the same with your situation, Ariana,” he said. “My leader mind tells me to put you in that arena tomorrow. I had no idea that what Isabelle said swayed them so, though I suppose I should’ve guessed it. Who would go against Isabelle’s wishes? She’s the most darling creature,” he said, wistfully. “On the other hand, the thought of sending my sons’ future spouse in there makes me sick to my stomach. Not only for my personal feelings for you, but I suppose for the same reasons why Isabelle spoke up for you the other day in the Council chamber. They may never forgive me if you go in, and something happens to you.”

  “Something might not happen to me though.”

  “Might,” he said, the corner of his mouth twisting. “Parents don’t like the word might, especially when it concerns one of their children’s well-being.” He shook his head. “I am sorry, Ariana, but I cannot authorize you to fight tomorrow. I believe we should leave it as everyone else knows. Lex and Samuel chose Zeke and T.J., as well as themselves, to fight. Now that we’re so near the end, I have to choose my immediate family over my clan family. If you and the princes feel you need to leave, please conceal it as long as possible.”

  My mouth dropped at his words. “Gregor. We could lose.”

  “Why do you think I’m saying all this?” He stood to his full height and grabbed my hands. “Get out. Go with them. If we’re going to lose, I’d rather see you all far away from here.”

  “But what about the clan? There’s still a chance. I feel it in my heart. We could still win this. We just need a win tonight, and then you’re going to go into that arena tomorrow and take Dumont out. I know it. I just know it.”

  He stepped back. “Lex was confident too, Ariana. She had not a doubt in her heart. I’d had many conversations with her leading up to yesterday. You remind me of her. That same spunk, that same determination. It did not serve her yesterday, and I will not help you with this in anyway. I would’ve saved Samuel and Lex if I could, too.” My mouth dropped to speak, but he barged on. “Arguing with me will not yield different results. You are not fighting tomorrow, and that’s the end of it. I’ve made my decision. It very well may be the last decision I make as head of the Ravana Clan, but it is done.”

  He turned on his heel and spun away, drifting down the stone walkway. His footsteps echoed behind him. I leaned my forehead against the cool surface of the rock and tried to breathe. If Lex and Samuel couldn’t beat their opponents, I had a hard time believing Zeke could. That didn’t mean that I could either, but I felt I had a better chance. I don’t know where the feeling came from. It wasn’t because I thought I was that much better than Zeke, that I overshadowed him in training or any other grandiose claims about my ability, it just came with a certain confidence in myself. A certain calmness that settled in my stomach when I thought about fighting for the family I loved dearly, for a clan leader who wouldn’t even sacrifice me because of his sons, for a mother who unprecedentedly spoke up and asked that they not send me in knowing that she was overstepping her bounds as a member of the Council, for the four men who I’d inexplicably been thrown into the path of where my life changed for the better. So much the better. My life was filled with love and smiles. Sure, I still had trials to overcome, but hadn’t I also found my calling?

  I was brought into this world to do the very thing I’d been chosen to do. There was no other way to think than to know that Zeke was going out in my place tomorrow. It was wrong.

  Lex was right. I had a lot to live for, but I also had multiple reasons to fight, to work harder, to put my all into the passion of the fight to make sure I came out the victor. There was a desperate need inside of me to live out my life with the princes and not some life in Australia where we would constantly be looking behind us and worried Dumont might
show his ugly face again, but a life that was promised to me the moment I set foot in this world. I wanted the bedroom with my princes lying next to me. I wanted the arguments and the makeups. I wanted the laughter and the kisses, and God dammit, I wanted to be their princess.

  I had a heartier heart than I ever would’ve imagined. It had enough room for not one man, but four of them, along with Gregor and Isabelle, and the entire Ravana Clan. I didn’t want to just be a part of this world, I wanted to help mold it and nurture it until it turned into the thriving community it was meant to be. I wanted to topple over stereotypes and work for the little guys. I wanted…a say. A voice, an opinion. Living in Calcutta, I hadn’t known I wanted all those things, but I did. And I wanted to do it all with my princes by my side. A real life. Not the one from the secondhand store. Not the one that we had to deal with because the first option didn’t work out. For once in my life, I wanted my number one choice.

  And I was going to get it too. One way or the other.

  Chapter Twenty

  Still in my black funeral outfit, I made my way into the training room. The same sounds of the fight met my ears on the way there, quickening my steps. The thuds against the pad, the solid smack of skin against tightly wrapped foam. I’d never realized before, but more and more, those sounds calmed me. It was like coming home after a hard day’s work, or drinking that first sip of water after working in the sun all day. It eased me right down to the bone, only reinforcing that I’d found my calling. That I was exactly where I needed to be, crazy choice and all.

  I’d left the princes at the funeral. It was one thing making the decision to fight, and it was another thing altogether to try to put things into motion. Without them next to me, I could focus on what I needed to. I didn’t need their eyes watching me, trying to comfort me when I was keeping secrets and moving forward with a plan I knew they’d hate. Was all the angst and trying to keep our relationship a secret worth it when I was about to throw everything on the line, anyway? In my mind, yes. Absolutely yes. This was something deeper that I wanted to prove to myself. For so long, I’d lived my life as a bystander. The princes helped me to live more in the present, but I felt this need deep within me and I had to do it for myself. I had to fight for what was right. And I really needed to do that without them looking over my shoulder the whole time.

  Thankfully, walking into the training room immediately relaxed my frayed nerves and guilty conscience. T.J. was there, and Soren. Of course, Zeke was also there out in the middle of the mats as T.J. and Soren watched him work. All the focus was on him now. His big day. The culmination of his short career so far.

  Butterflies tangled in my stomach. Could I really do this to Zeke?

  But it wasn’t really to Zeke. This wasn’t about Zeke at all. This was about me coming into my own. This was about taking the spot that was rightfully mine to begin with. If Isabelle had never spoken up, Zeke wouldn’t have been brought into this in the first place. I had no doubt that whatever I did Zeke was going to be pissed, and I was about to get myself in trouble in a major way. Not just with the princes. That was a given. But with Gregor as well. I was going rogue. I was directly disobeying him. He told me not to fight, and I was basically just shrugging that off as if it were a suggestion, not an outright command. Hell, he had his reasons for doing things, and I had mine.

  Soren turned when he heard me approach. His lips turned down when he saw my face. “Young One, there is no need for you to be here.”

  I tried to hide the hurt that statement pinched me with. There was every reason for me to be here. More than he knew. “It’s important for me to see this out,” I said. I ran my hand through my hair and then crossed both over my chest. “Lex would want me to be here.”

  T.J. put his hand on my forearm. “Of course she would, Ariana. There’s a lot to be done still and we could use whatever help we can get. I’m still in this stupid wheelchair or else I could help, but maybe you can assist Zeke today.” He leaned closer, laying over his armrest to whisper. “I know he’s not your favorite, but we can really use your help right now.”

  That was an understatement. Everyone knew Zeke wasn’t my favorite, but in reality, Samuel had been right. Sometimes we had to do things that put the clan first. And, of course, there was that whole thing about me secretly trying to figure out how I could stop Zeke from fighting. There was no way I’d be anywhere else right now. I smiled at T.J.. “It’s okay. I want to help.”

  I turned toward Zeke and watched as he moved around the mats in front of us shadowboxing an imaginary opponent in front of him. He threw punches, kicks, blocks, even ducked out of the way as he imagined the whole fight in his head. He looked strong, focused. I’d never deny his skill. Even I wasn’t blind to see that he would give whoever he fought hell. He swiveled to block an imaginary side attack, and I saw just how much this fight was weighing on him. My mouth dropped, surprised at the difference between yesterday and today. Sweat beaded down his pale face, and if I wasn’t mistaken, there was a slight tremor to his hands I hadn’t noticed before. I couldn’t blame him. Samuel and Lex just died. They were our best fighters, and they hadn’t been able to accomplish what he was charged with doing later today. There was so much pressure on Zeke right now. Three professional had gone before him. Only one was able to make it out, and he was currently in a wheelchair. Now, he was expected to win his fight? The feelings he must be feeling…

  Then again, I didn’t know why I wasn’t feeling the same inside. I’d already made up my mind to fight this fight, so why didn’t I have the same jitters he had? I should be looking like him. I should be looking like I was scared out of my mind, trying to figure out how to survive when someone would stand in front of me in the next few hours who wanted nothing more than to kill me. Why wasn’t that same fear for my own life within me?

  Soren shuffled from foot to foot. “You okay, Ariana?”

  Startled, I looked up. For trying to act normal, I wasn’t succeeding very well. Then again, if I was going to act weird, this was probably the best time to do it. Everyone was just a little bit off. “Did you say something?”

  He peeked behind himself, then turned back to me. “He doesn’t look too good, does he? It’s not surprising. I don’t know anyone who would be happy about going into a fight after the last two losses we’ve had. We need this win, Young One. You know as well as I do that we can’t let Dumont win this fight. Something must be done.”

  T.J. ran his hands down his thighs and hunched over in his chair for a moment. “We’re going to win. I don’t know how we’re going to do it, but we certainly can’t let Dumont take over. They killed two of our best fighters, but that doesn’t have anything to do with the fight that’s coming up. Three different people, three totally different fights. We can’t judge what happened to Samuel and Lex with what’s going to happen to Zeke. He’s good. He may not have been doing this for so long, but there’s a reason why Samuel and Lex picked him. They would know better than anyone else.”

  Surprise washed over me. Soren gave me a side glance, and I looked at the floor. So, T.J. didn’t know. It wasn’t my place to tell him. He had put complete faith in what Lex and Samuel decided. I could use his help in all this, but there wasn’t any reason to bring someone else into what I’d planned. I needed to make my decision on how I was going to take Zeke out of this fight myself. I thought about bashing him over the head and knocking him out, and though that appealed to me, I’d rather not take Zeke out of commission in a way that would get myself into even more trouble. It was bad enough I was going against Gregor’s direct orders, but I was also going to go down hard if I physically hurt another guard to do it. Even if I won, I would still be punished after all was said and done. There had to be a more humane way. Plus, I was trying to be nice to Zeke ever since Samuel and I had that talk. He didn’t necessarily deserve it, but it was a new leaf I was trying to turn over about not being so selfish. It was the least I could do after Samuel called me out on it. Hopefully, he was somewhere
in the vampire afterlife smiling down on me right now. He and Lex both.

  They would for sure be shaking their heads if they knew what I was planning to do. And, I hoped, rooting me on a little.

  “Yes,” Soren crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me, not bothering to look at T.J. even though T.J. was the one who brought the topic up. “Samuel and Lex made the right decision.” His eyes were hard and black as if he could see right through me.

  If I wasn’t mistaken, it looked as if he knew who’d Samuel and Lex had really chosen, but that couldn’t be. Could it? Why tell Soren and not T.J.? If he did know, I’d pegged Soren as the type of person who would come right out and tell me.

  I gave him a small smile. “Yeah, Zeke will do fine.”

  Soren gave a quick shake of his head, but I acted as if I didn’t have any idea what he was inferring. The fewer people who knew, the better. Especially in Soren’s case. I’d convinced Gregor to let him go after all this, so he definitely didn’t need to get mixed up in my crazy scheme.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Soren clapped his hands twice. “Alright, let’s get this show on the road.”

  Zeke stopped fighting his imaginary opponent and turned toward us. His eyebrows raised when he saw me standing with the rest of them. I stared back, schooling my face to look impassive. Why wouldn’t I be here, anyway? Was I really putting off the kind of vibe that said I didn’t care what happened to him? If anything, his words and actions spoke that very clearly in my direction, but even if I wasn’t planning on taking him out to fight his fight, I would still be here helping him. I helped everyone else. And now that we were down to a need-to-win situation, it didn’t matter if it was Zeke or some random vampire off the street, I’d be standing right here. Personal feelings didn’t matter in this case.