surrender to darkness Read online

  “It was a little scary for a second there.”

  “Nah,” I said, lying through my teeth. “Like I said, those girls are going to flock to you now.”

  He stifled a laugh, then cringed and moved on the bed, hissing in pain until he got into a comfortable position. Stephan came over, but there wasn’t anything for him to do. T.J. just needed to rest and recover. He would live, and he did all of us a great service.

  “Do me a favor, Stephan?” T.J. said. He looked to me. “You and your brothers better do right by her.”

  Stephan laid a hand on T.J.’s arm. “No one will take better care of her. You can trust me on that.” Stephan peeked at me then looked back. “Thank you for what you did out there. I knew you were brave, and strong but…” He shook his head.

  “I know the feeling,” T.J. said, laughing and then wincing again.

  “I can give you more pain reliever…”

  T.J. shook his head. “It’s not all physical…”

  Two women dressed in white, nurse-like uniforms came in. Stephan helped move T.J. to a gurney and the other two vampires wheeled him away. I watched after him until two hands surrounded me, pulling me into a warmth I wasn’t sure I deserved. “That was tough to look at. Do you need anything?”

  “Just you,” I said, pulling his hands closer.

  He kissed my cheek, his brown hair tickling the skin there. He bent at the waist, pulling my legs up and we ran out of the tent, into the estate, through the halls until he placed me gingerly on the bed—my bed. I breathed out, pulling him around me again.

  “Where are the others?”

  “Christian said they were going right to the meeting. Lex and Samuel are done deciding so…”

  “We’ll know soon,” I said, patting his hip.

  “Soon,” Stephan said.

  * * * * *

  Nicolai

  The tension in the room mounted. With the reassurance that T.J. was going to be okay, there was only a little bit of happy chatter around. All of us saw what happened out there—well, not Stephan, but he wasn’t here anyway. The rest of us, we saw what it took for T.J. to do what he did. Picturing Ri do that…

  Nope. I shook my head.

  Lex stood. I caught her gaze and held it, trying to look as menacing as possible. They sure as fuck were not going to pick her. She didn’t have to know we didn’t let it happen. She couldn’t know. She’d be furious, but what else could you do when your reason for living was the one out there making all the sacrifices and you were in your nice, cozy fucking cocoon doing shit?

  “Samuel and I have come to a decision.” She took a deep breath, her lips frowning.

  My fingers braced against the chair and I started to stand.

  Mom shot to her feet beside me. “Stop!” Every eye turned to her. She was shaking. Her face was white, terror-stricken. She took in a few gulps of air, her face never leaving the smooth of the wood finish on the table before her. She shook her head. “I can’t stop myself from saying this. I won’t stop.” She turned her eyes upward and met Lex’s gaze. “After seeing that out there, I’m making a request of you. You both,” she finished, looking at Samuel too.

  My heart stammered. My mother was a brilliant, beautiful woman, but she hardly ever spoke up at Council meetings. She left all that up to Gregor.

  “I can’t sit here and listen to whatever names you’re going to say, and with saying what I’m about to say, I know full well how selfish I’m being. But, I can’t help myself. For the sake of my family, I ask only one thing. That Ariana be kept off the list.”

  My stomach plummeted. There the words were. They were out there. And with it, if Ariana found out, would be beyond pissed. Her eyes would flash and she would storm around with the passion that lit her soul inside her. But it was what every one of us were thinking even though we were being spectacularly unfair. Who were we to make demands? Rulers, sure, but that was the exact reason we shouldn’t be saying any of this.

  Gregor shifted in his seat. Lex blinked.

  “I know full well the weight of my words and I’m willing to take any consequence given to me, but I am pleading, begging, with you. Do not send our Ariana into that pit. She’s too…special.”

  “Isabelle,” Gregor chastised, reaching up to take her hand.

  She pulled hers from his grip and stepped away. “I know, I know. Who am I to say who should live or not? I can’t just sit here and listen to you all make decisions about those I care about. I can’t.”

  Christian stood and moved toward Isabelle. He put his hand softly on her arm and she immediately turned toward him, her chin resting on his shoulder as she hid her face from us all.

  “She has to live,” Isabelle whispered. “She has to.”

  I wasn’t sure if Lex could hear, but Samuel certainly could. He stretched his neck and then bent over to whisper in Lex’s ear. She nodded, her eyes glassy as she watched the scene before her.

  Samuel stood, squaring his shoulders as he caught the attention of Gregor. “We have the names of the remaining fighters. They were chosen due to many characteristics, chief among them skill, and bravery. As Isabelle has just said, our minds were even more made up after watching T.J.’s brave showing. We need fighters like him. We need those who will take us to victory, so it won’t come down to the fifth fight. In fact, we’re hoping it won’t even come down to the fourth fight.” He looked around the room. I moved to the edge of my seat, my fingers digging into the table in front of me. I willed the shape of his lips to take on another name. I willed them to speak about someone else, all the while, deep down knowing how hurt Ariana would be if she could see inside me to know what I was really thinking. My throat closed as Samuel began. “Our next fighters are…”

  Chapter Eight

  We lay on my bed waiting for the news. On the outside, I looked like the perfect picture of patience. On the inside though, I was a screaming mess.

  Stephan was the first to move. Not surprising. He probably heard the rest of them coming up the stairs and making the slow walk to my door. Did they hesitate out front? Did they whisper to one another at all?

  These were some of the things I wish I knew, and would’ve known if I’d been a vampire. I hated being in the dark. If I’d had a clue about what the verdict was, my nerves wouldn’t have been eating away at me when I finally did turn to find all of them staring at me—even Stephan—as if he was at the meeting too. As if he’d heard it first-hand like the rest of them.

  I moved to the edge of the bed, my hands curling into the comforter. Staring at them all together still gave me a little thrill. They were mine—all of them. However this turned out, I should be grateful. If they wanted me to fight, I’d fulfill the reason why I was brought here. No one could wonder then. No one could ask why the Ravanas brought an outsider in with no training, no skills. I wouldn’t be seen as the odd man out ever again. I was brought here to fulfill a duty, and if I was chosen, I’d have done it. Actually, not just if I was chosen. Being chosen was just the first step. And if that happened, I wouldn’t receive anymore snide looks from Zeke or worry about him trying to test me or jump me or hate me.

  But if I didn’t get chosen…look what I had in front of me. I had this to come back to. I had these arms, these legs, to wrap around me and keep me safe for the rest of my life—no matter how long that was. Someone else would carry the burden of the fight. Someone else would carry the weight of this world on their shoulders, and we would just have to live with the consequences. But there was that word. That so important word. Live. At least we knew we would live.

  Soren said if we lost, he wouldn’t hesitate to leave. That after the fights ended, I should take off with my princes. We would do that, taking anyone close to us along for the ride. We might not have the structure around us, but we would have one another.

  They formed a semi-circle in front of me, and then Connor stepped forward. I shouldn’t have been surprised. They were always sending Connor in to make me feel better emotionally. He had a bea
utiful spirit, one that made mine want to rally to meet his.

  My gut clenched. It took me a second to realize the truth, but it was plain as day in front of me. Connor was the one they’d chosen to tell me the news, and if Connor was the one telling me the news… Well, then.

  He held his arms out, and I walked into his embrace. He nuzzled his cheek against mine and squeezed me to his chest. “I’m sorry, Princess. They didn’t choose you.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed and let the words sink into me. They didn’t choose you. They didn’t choose me. My mind was a war of emotions. Relieved. Upset. Confused. Startled. Safe. I clung to Connor and buried my head in his chest. “I don’t know what to think.”

  He pulled away, his hands coming to rest on my cheeks. “I’ll tell you what you can think. You can look at me. You can look at the rest of us and know that now this is settled, there is literally nothing that can take us away from each other. No matter what happens, we’ll be together—the five of us—just like it was meant to be. You have me and my brothers by your side for as long as you want us.” He took a deep breath. “And this doesn’t mean we’re going to lose. We have excellent fighters. We’re already winning. They gave us a gift. The gift of knowing we’ll all be safe together for a long time to come.”

  Stephan moved to just in front of me, his green eyes bright. “Isn’t that what you always wanted deep down, Ariana? To have a family again. I remember watching you go through life as if you were going through the motions. You didn’t have anyone to come home to. It was just you, fighting in a cruel world for yourself. Now you have us, and you’ll always have us.”

  Heat clogged my throat and moved to the back of my eyes as I tried not to let my emotions show. My chin wobbled, the traitor that it was, and I blinked hard, trying to regain my composure. Stephan had hit the nail on the head. It’s what I’d always wanted. To love. To be loved. To know that somewhere out there there was someone who was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about them. To know that there was someone out there who would care if something happened to me. There were so many nights when in foster care, or in that small, crappy apartment on my own, that I’d wondered if I died—maybe mugged and beaten, maybe of starvation—would anyone even notice? And my funeral. Would anyone come? The truth would always hit me so hard it would bring me to my knees. I was no one to everyone. I walked through people’s lives, not into them. I observed people’s lives, not joined them.

  Not anymore. I had them. And it was really all I ever wanted. More than I ever wanted. Who would’ve thought there would be not one person for me, but four? Instead of finding that special someone, I found four special someones to make up for the no ones I’d had.

  Nicolai walked forward and Connor and Stephan backed off. “I know somewhere in your crazy big heart that you’re upset, Ri. Don’t be. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of other opportunities to fight for us. We’re just not that smart.”

  He cracked a smile and I tried to follow suit, but my lips trembled instead. If Nicolai was trying to make me laugh, then he truly realized what a blow this was to me. Out of all of them, him and I had connected about this very thing. Both of us would do anything for our group. We were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.

  “They don’t need you, Ri. We need you.”

  I nodded, his face becoming distorted by the hot tears now filling my eyes. Christian moved forward with vampire-like speed. He picked me up and held me to him. I gasped at the sudden contact, at the sudden raw outburst from him, and all it did was make him hold me closer. “I’m not even going to pretend. I couldn’t be more happy right now. I love you. To me, they did us the biggest favor in not choosing you. They solidified our future together. Soon, this will all be over and we can move forward. Together. Like it’s supposed to be.” His hands combed through my hair. “I know we’re not all out of danger yet and I should care for the fate of the rest of everyone out there, but inside, I’m really just rejoicing in what this means.” He took a deep breath, his chest knocking into mine like it was a surprise to him too. When he started to talk again, he fought for control. “You and I, and Nicolai and Stephan and Connor, will all be able to walk out of here after this. It may not be the way we all dreamed, staying in this house to start our lives, but the most important parts will be there. The five of us.”

  A hand moved to rub my back. “You know he’s right, Ri.”

  I wasn’t disputing that. At all. It was exactly how I felt. I nodded into Christian’s chest, and then breathed in deep, taking with it all the anxiety and agony of having your future up in the air and expelling it. I wanted a choice and I got one. We had a path we could follow. There were things to do now. Our remaining fighters would have to be coached by Soren in hopes there would only be two more matches. The least amount of fights the better because no matter what the princes said now about being happy we were going to stay in tact, if Gregor fell victim to this war, they’d be devastated.

  Stepping back, I faced them all. “Okay.” One-by-one their expressions lifted. I cracked a smile, a very small smile. “Okay,” I repeated. Connor was the first to look fully relieved, and then narrowed his eyes when I spoke again. “We have a lot of things to do now.”

  “Gregor still needs to be trained, in case,” Nicolai stated, his face all business now, the seeming threat of my impending meltdown gone.

  “And Soren will need to be made aware about who was chosen and what their strengths are so we can compare them to his knowledge of their warriors. Who fights next?”

  “Either Lex or Samuel,” Christian said. “Soren thinks they might send in their best guy to get a win so probably Lex. She’s taking their number one, but as you already know, we won’t know who it is they’ll actually send in to fight until a few minutes after the sun goes down.”

  I started pacing as I took the information in, my thumb coming up to trace back and forth across my lower lip. Right. That made sense. Lex would fight their big guy and then Samuel— Samuel…? I stopped in my tracks. “Samuel’s going in?”

  Stephan looked at the rest of them with me, curiosity in his eyes until Christian nodded once. “He was chosen.”

  “Samuel Rajyvik? The Samuel?”

  Nicolai cocked his head. “That surprises you?”

  “It’s just…he’s a teacher, he’s not a guard. Sure, he runs the training facility, but does that really give him the knowledge to do this?”

  “Princess…Honey…,” Connor started, a smile lighting his face. “Samuel doesn’t just coordinate the guard training facility. He’s one of the only vampires in our world who’s trained as a guard, and still has the superior abilities the rest of the vampire population does. How else could he run our training facility?”

  “I guess I never thought about his abilities in real world fighting. No offense, but fighting for themselves isn’t something vampires do very well.”

  “I take offense to that,” Nic said.

  I rolled my eyes, and shrugged. It was the truth. I knew Nic wanted to train more, and he and Christian were about as trained as any vampire in their world could be, but to send one of the vampires into this very important, very dangerous match. It didn’t make senses. I stared back at Nic. “Just…can he win?”

  “He wouldn’t be going out there if he couldn’t,” Christian said, his tone matter-of-fact. “He can win. He’ll be a better match physically than any of the guards, and he’s properly trained.”

  “Okay,” I said, holding my hands up. “It’s just that he always stands there while we’re running.”

  Connor spoke up, his tone light. “He just doesn’t want to make you look bad.” He took off into a blur, ran around me once—probably—and then returned to his spot, his arms crossed over his chest and his chin jutting into the air with a cocky smile tilted over his face.

  Point taken.

  “Fine. Soren already talking to them now then?”

  “They went to the training rooms in the guard wing as soon as the meeting ended.
They’ll train for a little while, talk with Soren, then get some sleep before they wake up and do it again tomorrow before the next fight.”

  “Gregor is…?”

  Nic pulled out his cell phone. “If he’s not down there already, I can get him down there and we can go through some things.”

  I nodded, watching as we all spurred into action. Sure, they didn’t want me to fight, but that didn’t mean I was just going to sit around and let everyone else do the work. There were other things to be done. For one, I could be a sparring partner for our fighters. Soren could tell me how to move, how to act, pretending to be one of Dumont’s men for training purposes. Actually, that was exactly what I would do. “Alright, let’s go.” I turned to Stephan. “Would you mind coming down too? In case anyone gets injured in training. They’ll need to be mended right away.”

  His emerald eyes sparkled. “Of course. I’ll just stop by the infirmary first and grab some things.”

  The five of us moved through the estate again like one unit until Stephan broke off to head to the infirmary momentarily as we continued toward the guard training rooms. Inside, there were already sounds of training, metal clanking against metal and thuds against the mat. When I walked in, there were three separate training areas sectioned off for each of the fighters. Samuel worked weaponry, Lex worked takedowns and…and Zeke was working stakes with a propped up T.J..

  I froze in place. I hadn’t even asked about the third fighter. They told me about Lex and Samuel, but I hadn’t even thought to ask about the third match. “Him?”

  Him? Of all people. Zeke over me? Were they all out of their damn minds?

  Just as I thought that, Zeke rolled, sending a wooden stake flying into the body dummy across the room. I didn’t see where it landed, but I was guessing exactly where it should have because he stood up with that same cocky expression I was used to seeing on him.

  Son of a bitch.

  Chapter Nine