surrender to darkness Page 7

  He took the breath right out of my chest. My heart pumped, slamming against my ribs. “I just can’t believe it, Nicolai. I’ve been putting my heart into all this because it is my heart. It has everything to do with my heart, but it isn’t enough. That’s what I feel like, what I’ve been thinking about in here staring up at the damn ceiling. I’m a failure. I can’t help the thoughts. It’s about more than just this one decision for me because I’ve put my whole heart into this. This was what I was brought here to do and they’re not even letting me do it!”

  Nic shot to his feet and and wound his hands around my neck, clasping me by the nape to make me look him in the eyes. “You are doing it. You do it everyday. Every touch. Every glance. You’re saving us. It’s not always about saving us from an actual threat, but what about the little things that sneak up on you? What about the things we’re faced with inside every day? With you here, in front of me, I don’t feel the loneliness like I did. And trust me, Ri, loneliness when you’re a vampire can feel like an endless chasm with no stopping point. We have something to look forward to now, to work for. We have a reason, just as I’ve heard you say before. We’re your reason, and you’re our reason. You may not be saving us how you intended to, how you feel you have to, but I promise you that you are saving us in every other way imaginable.”

  My heart caught in my throat. His words were pretty, they made my heart squeeze, but it wasn’t just that. It was the look in his eyes. His eyes that were so dark, so complicated at times, they were like windows now. Nicolai was letting me in, letting me see every dark piece inside him, but more than that, he was letting me see every light piece inside of him too.

  “You know I’m right.”

  I stepped close, landing on his feet, and lifting to my tiptoes to kiss his lips. We were just two people standing in the middle of the bed in the middle of a room in the center of a building, but it was so much more than that to me.

  “So, you agree?” he asked, his voice heady. “With everything I said?”

  “Mmm,” I answered, pulling him down to me again and sealing my lips to his for an even longer kiss. To be able to bring light to someone like Nicolai was a personal triumph. He was untamed, the ‘bad boy’ some might call him, but he wasn’t that to me. Misunderstood, unruly, but overwhelmingly gentle despite his exterior. He yearned for connection more than he would ever let on. It was only me, and the rest of the princes, who could see through him. He might need me more than the rest of them no matter what his looks said on the outside.

  I urged his mouth open and slipped my tongue inside. He made a noise in the back of his throat that sent a wave of goosebumps down me. His knees buckled, but he hoisted me up around his hips and then laid me back on the bed. I held on for dear life as he lowered himself on top of me. Nipping my lips, he said, “I like where this is going.”

  I reached for the hem of his shirt and tugged at it. Light danced behind his eyes, making me smile.

  He pulled his shirt the rest of the way off, lowering himself back down on top of me so we lined up in all the right ways. He nudged my chin back with his head and kissed a trail down my neck. My fingers clutched at the sheets as I remembered the way it felt when he’d sunk his fangs into me before. He growled again, this time more sinister. “Don’t think about that. They’ll never let us be alone together again. Besides, there’s more we can do.” He moved away, slipping my shirt off just as easily as his own. His lips hummed over my skin as he followed the centerline down my chest to my navel. When he got to the space between my legs, he unbuttoned my pants and pulled them off as he made his way further down. Soon, I was just in my bra and panties, my throat suddenly dry.

  I stared up at him. His smooth skin felt like marble as I ran my fingers over the hard planes. The more I touched and explored, the darker his complexion got. I shook my head. “Don’t hold back, Nic. Not with me.”

  He shot forward, his lips claiming mine and it became a war of lips and tongues and nipping to see who could make who groan and moan more. I helped him out of his pants and boxers, throwing them to the side of the bed somewhere. My panties were next until he was stretched out, hard and thick, on my thigh. I moved closer to him, urging him on. What he’d said to me was true. I was all that to them like they were all that to me and then some. I guessed sometimes I forgot that it wasn’t all about their physical safety. They wanted, and needed, love just as much as I did. They brought me into this world as a guard because that was the only way I could be close to them. It was me who’d taken that and ran with it. Used my background to fuel the desire inside me to help and make sure others were treated fairly when they didn’t have the voice or the means to speak up for themselves.

  I cupped Nic’s face in my palm. “Are you upset that I took to being a guard so well? Would you rather I have just gone through the motions until you could figure out another way for me to be with you guys?”

  He blinked, his dark eyes becoming more clouded. “Never. That would be like saying I don’t want you to be you, and I always want you to be you. I knew you would be stubborn, and a fighter. I love that we connect with the same interests. I loved you before, but your determination and strength makes me want to be better. You inspire me, Ri.”

  I hooked my leg around his and bucked, easily gaining the advantage. Now perched on his stomach, I sat back and unclasped my bra. I removed one strap, then the next, allowing my breasts to spill out before throwing the garment to the floor. His abs tightened underneath me. Pushing me backward, he didn’t stop until his thickness rested against my entrance. I gasped at the connection and peered down, taking it all in before guiding him inside me.

  I sighed as he stretched me before rocking against him faster. His hands came to rest on my hips, not pushing or pulling, just riding the ride with me.

  The delicious friction inside mounted, the pressure increasing with every stroke. My head fell back.

  “You’re so beautiful like this,” he murmured.

  I bit down on my lip as a moan crawled up my throat. His thumb trailed down. I locked eyes with him as it moved to the apex of my thighs and swirled over my nub. I cried out, and he did it again and again. My movements quickened with the timing of his until I rode him right into the ecstasy of my orgasm.

  He waited until I came down from my high, then instructed me to turn around and get on all fours. My thighs squeezed together as the reality of what he wanted me to do set in.

  “It’s okay,” he reassured, taking my hips and placing them just the way he wanted before entering me from behind. My nails sank into the comforter as he rocked his hips into me, intensifying this new pleasure.

  This was a first, a sensual first that kept me on my toes as I relished every last stroke right down to the detail of how he felt inside me this way. How different it was from the other positions. His hands roamed all over my back and shoulders, then around to my front where he played with my nipples.

  He nuzzled my shoulder. “God, I wish I could see your face.”

  I answered him with a long moan that ramped up his movements. His hands moved to my hips again where he guided me over him until he cried out, his voice catching in his throat as his fingers dug into me.

  His forehead fell onto my back as he gulped in air. “We want you just as you are, Ri. No matter what.” He pulled away, then laid back down on the bed, taking him with me. This time, he cupped my face and looked me in the eye. “You’re perfect the way you are. No matter if you’re angry about this, and pissed and upset. No matter what happens, be yourself, and we’ll always follow along with you.”

  I laid my head on his shoulder and squeezed my eyes closed. My hand drifted to his chest where it rose and fell with his even breaths. Even under so much stress and despair, I loved that I could always find solace with my loves. It was nice to be reminded that there was still good in the world even when you were surrounded by so much you didn’t understand and wished you didn’t have to.

  Chapter Eleven

  Samuel
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  The handwraps around my wrist frayed. I tore at the unraveling fabric and unwound it from my wrists and knuckles. Putting these on was just an old habit anyway. I didn’t really need the protection. Nothing in this training center besides the knives could cut the skin on my hands. I threw the remnants on the floor and kicked out at the heavy bag.

  A whistle came from behind me. “Easy there. Don’t you think you should be resting in case it’s you who’s on tomorrow?”

  Soren. There was just something about him I didn’t like. Dumont made him a vampire. Those bonds were almost impossible to break. Sure, his intel seemed to be helping us—for now—but was it all good? Was he just waiting for the moment to throw us off so his clan could take over? I looked over my shoulder, casting him a sidelong glance that said I didn’t give a shit and he should leave me alone. “I thought you were sure they’d put in their big guy. Big guy means Lex is going in.”

  He shrugged. “I said odds are they’d send Diesel in. Dumont has a way of doing things you don’t expect though.”

  “So, you don’t even know if he’ll be sending in the people you’ve told us about?” Wonderful…

  “I was right about the first one.”

  “But you still don’t know.”

  He leaned against the wall, the picture of perfect vampire health when he’d looked like death warmed over only a couple days ago. That trainee, Ariana. She was a piece of work. If I didn’t know she could fight, I’d think she was one of those bleeding heart types. Sure, let’s help one of the guys who tried to take us out. Yet, everything she does works. She’s got a sense about things I could only wonder about.

  “Unless Dumont has suddenly gained a bunch of followers I know nothing about, then he’s sticking with the ones I said. I just don’t know what order he’ll use them in.”

  Whatever. It didn’t matter. I was ready when they needed me. It could be tomorrow or the day after, it didn’t matter. “Then I’m fine. Thanks for asking about resting up, but I don’t need it.”

  “Actually, I didn’t come to ask about that. In fact, I came to ask about something else. I just thought that was a nice segway. In reality, I could care less if you’re rested or not, Rajyvik. You’re none of my concern. I am interested in why you didn’t pick Young One though.”

  Young One… Oh, Jesus. Him, too? “Stuart?” I asked, though I already knew who he was referring to. I hadn’t stopped thinking about what I’d said to her all night. Actually, that wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t what I said to her, it was how she reacted to what I said to her. “It’s none of your concern who we choose to fight for us either.”

  He chuckled grimly. “Touche.”

  I threw some more hits at the punching bag, zeroing in on my target as I’d been trained to do, almost completely forgetting that Soren was even there until his foot scuffed the floor. I looked back and rolled my eyes. “What do you want?”

  He shrugged his slim shoulders. “Just curious still. She seems like the most obvious choice. I’ve heard people talk about her. I know what she’s done for your clan since she came here. I’ve seen the boy work and he’s good, but I think there’s one thing you and I can agree on and that’s that skill doesn’t mean everything. Sometimes when it’s personal it can mean a whole hell of a lot more.”

  I clenched my jaw, and shook my head. Cocky prick. Didn’t he think I knew that? Didn’t he think I was smart enough to figure that out on my own? We shouldn’t have listened to Isabelle. Yes, Ariana was good for us in other ways too, but she was our choice. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t stand to see the look on Isabelle’s face when she talked about losing Stuart. It was as if she were talking about losing her own daughter, much like when she lost her son. “We wanted her in there, but there were differing opinions. We found she was better served in another role.”

  “Another role? Well, that’s just…ridiculous.” He laughed hard and short. I sneered at him until he stopped, his face still smirking. “Sorry, I just thought you wanted to win this thing. What do the kids say nowadays, ‘my bad’?”

  My hands clenched to fists as I fully faced him for the first time. After picturing taking him out in as many ways as I could think of, I walked past him. “I think I’ll go get that rest now. Thanks for the tip.”

  As soon as I got out in the hall, I ran my hands down my face. I didn’t think we’d lose with Zeke or I never would’ve thrown his name out there, but we had a better chance if Stuart was in there. She had the heart, like she said. She wouldn’t stop until it was absolutely necessary. She’d die trying to take her opponent out. That was one thing I admired about her, her will. It came from her background. At least the part of it I’d been told about. She had a strong desire to live and to power through. I could tell from the moment they brought her here and even though I hated the idea at first, it was one of the best things the princes could’ve done for themselves.

  It still didn’t change the fact that I’d gone soft. She should’ve been the pick no matter if Isabelle Ravana pitched us her sob story or not. The truth was, I didn’t really want Ariana out there either. Not because she didn’t deserve the fight, but because she didn’t deserve to die.

  Chapter Twelve

  Another afternoon, another moment of waking up next to my four princes. There was not a lot of room on the bed, but I was never so happy to be uncomfortable. We would’ve preferred to stay the night in the library like we’d done before, but without being behind a lock, it just didn’t seem as comfortable as even this. We weren’t hiding anymore, but that didn’t mean we needed to have people walking in on us. We knew what we were doing wasn’t the norm. We didn’t care, either, but just like most people’s private lives, they were private. I didn’t want to see how Isabelle and Gregor slept, so no one else needed to see the inside of our relationship either unless they were in it.

  Lips pressed against the top of my foot, and I clamped my mouth shut around a smile and squelched a squeal. “I know you’re awake,” Connor teased.

  “I know. You’re tickling me. Quit it.”

  He chuckled. “You’ve been in a good mood ever since you and Nicolai hung out yesterday.”

  “What can I say? He enjoys my company.”

  “We all enjoy your company,” Stephan said in his lazy, just barely awake voice.

  “Maybe he doesn’t so early in the morning,” Connor said, his blue eyes flashing in mischief as he looked at the back of Stephan’s head.

  “I like Ariana all the time. It’s just you I don’t.”

  Connor pushed Stephan from the bed. A normal person would’ve fallen to a heap on the floor, but Stephan glided off easily as if pulled by cables and then landed on his feet, standing nonchalantly and facing the bed like he’d planned to get woken up that way. “No fighting,” I said, reaching toward Stephan. He curled up next to me, sending Connor a triumphant smirk.

  I laughed at the two of them, basking in the flow of the rightness of us all being together, even in such close quarters.

  Connor kissed the top of my foot again and I squealed, kicking out. I didn’t hit anything precious because Connor calmly held my heel in his hand, not allowing me to thrash out wildly.

  Christian sighed and turned toward us finally. “I guess we’re getting up?”

  “It’s his fault,” I said, motioning toward my feet and Connor’s apparent glee at being the culprit.

  “You know what I’m in the mood for?” Nic asked from my other side.

  Christian turned toward him, his eyebrows scrunched together. “Didn’t you already get that?”

  “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.” He winked at me. “Anyway, I want pizza from the shop by The Fort. The place where that waitress always falls all over us. She’s fun to watch.”

  I sat up and flicked Nic on the shoulder. “That’s not her fault. You guys are a force to be reckoned with when you’re all together. It’s enough to send any woman over the edge. Especially a human one.”

  “You seem to handle us well.�
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  “It just so happens I’m an expert in Ravana princes,” I said, smiling at them all.

  Christian sat up now too, his hand coming to rest on my thigh. He squeezed it once before sighing. “I suppose we should all get up. We have a lot to do today until the fight.” He looked up at me. “Do you think Soren will need our help again with Lex? Gregor might need me—”

  “I can fill in,” Nic said. “You can go ahead and do all the political stuff while we have fun in the gym.”

  Christian ignored Nic and kept his eyes on me. I patted his hand. “Go ahead. Whatever you want to do, just make sure Gregor comes to the gym today for training too.”

  He bent over and kissed my lips. “Of course.” Then, he pushed himself off the bed and fled the room.

  Stephan was next. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and then left, mumbling about a shower and food.

  Connor laid back, his hands behind his head as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “I’ll stick with you two today. I’m sure someone can use a superior sparring partner like myself.”

  I dug my toes into his side and he shied away, laughing.

  After gathering my shower things, I snuck into the bathroom as Connor and Nic talked strategy. People didn’t take Connor as serious as they should. He was smart. Something people wouldn’t list as a trait of his because his humor and good nature overshadowed everything else. I was sure Soren would be happy to use him with one of our fighters. I tried not to focus on the unhappy flip of my stomach when a picture of Zeke flashed in my head. No matter how much I wanted to be angry, Nic was right. I could be angry, but I needed to get it out of my system and focus on what the task was in front of us. Being upset about it wouldn’t get our fighters ready any faster. It wouldn’t push our way through this war. It definitely wasn’t useful. So, I cast the hurt and the anger aside and focused on what would be helpful.

  When I got out of the shower, Nic and Connor weren’t in the room. Not bothering to wait, I dressed in my gear and went down to the training rooms myself. As suspected, there were already the telltale sounds of fighting as I walked up the hall. I entered the room and scanned it quickly, looking for Soren. T.J. caught my eye first though. I strolled up to him and put my hand on his shoulder as he watched Zeke throw stakes at the target on the opposite wall.