surrender to darkness Read online

  Bile rose in my throat. “Sick…”

  “Hopefully that’s the only innocent blood loss around here.”

  A cruel smile curved Soren’s lips. “The warriors will have to be fed. The warriors Dumont chooses will live like kings until the day of their fight. They will be given as many humans as they want. The clan will go to great lengths to give them the exact humans they want. We all have different…likes, tastes. Lean, or meaty. Hair color. Eye color. Bloodletting or no.”

  I raised a hand up to stop his long list. “Okay, I get it.” Just another reason to make sure they didn’t come out of these fights the victors. To use those weaker than you for your own desires, it made my skin crawl. “We should make sure the guards stay indoors as much as possible,” I said to Connor, squeezing his hand once.

  Connor slipped his phone out of his pocket. “Sending a note to Lex now.”

  “Speaking of…” Soren said. “Who might the four lucky Ravana warriors be?”

  He kept his voice steady, a sardonic smile hiding any other emotion, but when he said it, he glanced at me. My stomach tightened again. That ever present knot a reminder of what choice lay ahead, whether for me or not, we all had to deal with the circumstances.

  Connor’s fingers flew across the on-screen keyboard and then his cell phone was once again out of sight, most likely back in his pocket. “T.J. Carson will be our first.”

  No matter how much I expected his name, I couldn’t help the twinge in my gut. T.J. was as fierce as they came. I had the privilege of fighting side-by-side with him before. He was strong, and powerful, and smart. Of that, I had no doubt. My only concern was of the opponents we were being paired up with. If they were being treated as Soren said, bred for this, honored like kings, did he even have a chance? For myself, there was a lot riding on this first battle. We would see how the soldiers attacked, how ours fared against theirs. There was much to learn.

  “And the others?” Soren said, barely skipping a beat.

  Connor tensed beside me. He peeked at me from the corner of his eye, his irises the color of a stormy sea. “We haven’t picked the others. It’s up to Lex and Samuel, really, but there are some differing opinions on who should be sent out there. The only real conclusion we came to was that T.J. was a definite, and that he should go first.”

  “Did they tell him already?” I asked, my voice only a soft whisper.

  “Lex was sent to tell him. She left when I came to see you. I assume he knows by now. Probably already did know.”

  I stood, dropping Connor’s hand and meeting Soren face-to-face. “Will you help him?”

  “T.J. doesn’t like me either.”

  A rumble started in the pit of my stomach and came out of my throat like a growl.

  Soren nearly smiled at me. “Young One, I was only stating a fact. You know he doesn’t like me, but I will do what you ask. Who am I to deny a request from royalty?”

  “I’m not asking you as that, I’m asking you as a friend. I’m asking you as someone who I thought understood that what Dumont is doing is wrong. I’m asking you as someone who would fight against injustice alongside me, not behind me. I thought you wanted a better world as much as I did. This is how we do it, with individual fights, and individual warriors.” I stared at him, trying to convey everything I felt into one look. “You can tell T.J. of his opponents.”

  “I don’t know which one Dumont will send.”

  “But you know the ones he could send. You could tell him about each of them. You could tell him what weapons each of them prefer. You could tell them what their weaknesses are. You’ve trained with these warriors. You were one yourself. You know them.”

  “It isn’t their fault…” Soren said, his voice barely above a whisper.

  For the first time, I noticed the strain in his usually calm demeanor. The truth in his words hit me like a right cross. Of course he knew these people. He had even been friends with these soldiers. I was asking him to betray them. To help us and send his friends to their deaths. This wasn’t just a battle to blood first spilled, it was a battle to the death, or concession. Gregor might let his fighters concede, but Dumont wouldn’t. They were going into that arena, and if they left alive, that meant our warrior was dead. No matter how much I tried to spin it in my head, none of this worked out for Soren. Either his friends died, and he helped kill them, or our people died, and he knew we were on the right side.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice coming out rushed and breathless. The truth was, I hadn’t seen things from his point of view before. I’d only seen them through mine.

  He shook his head. His hands tightened and trembled at his side. I watched as he stared out the window, looking down at the mess of people below. He recognized one side, and the other, they were just strangers. Warring voices sprang up, each singing the songs of their people. Songs that used to belong to both sides, but now divided because of one person. And that’s what I had to remind myself of. This was all Dumont’s fault. I felt bad for his warriors, but if we won, if we did what we set out to do, no others would have to die unnecessarily.

  Soren shut his eyes. “I’ll do it. I’ll talk to the Ravanas’ chosen warriors. I have no doubt who Dumont will choose. I know them well.” He turned away from the window and stared at Connor. “I’ll help you.”

  My gut twisted, and a new appreciation for Soren washed over me. In that moment, he had more strength than any person I’d ever met. To go against everything, everyone you knew and to fight for what you thought was right, that took more honor and guts than I could’ve ever imagined.

  “We’ll win this,” I promised him, knowing full well that if we didn’t, Soren would probably be the first to die. Of course Dumont would have his traitor killed. He would not give any such reprieve to Soren that he pledged to give to us. But I had to do everything in my power to save him anyway. I promised him I would, and he’d given us everything I asked for and then some. Soren was one of the good ones in all this. Above all, he deserved to live out the rest of his life in peace like he wanted.

  “You just keep yourself safe, Young One,” he said.

  I nodded and then turned to Connor. “I’d like Soren given a proper room at the estate. If he’s going to help us, he doesn’t need to be spending the night in the cells. He needs blood and rest, and time with our soldiers.”

  Connor nodded and slipped outside the room with his cell phone already to his ear.

  Soren watched him walk away, and then looked at me. “I think I like him better than the other one, the dark one.”

  I couldn’t help the smile his admission brought to my face. Nicolai was a particular brand of vampire that not everyone enjoyed. I would never pick favorites though. To me, they were all perfect in their own ways. “Connor has a way with people,” I said, looking at the closed door, already wishing he was again by my side. Who knew how much time we had left with one another?

  “I see why you fight now. I see why you have the determination in your eyes. I often wondered how someone like you could come from the outside world and fit in as you did. I get it now.”

  Love, I told myself, just as Soren said the same thing aloud. I nodded, agreeing with him. “People are willing to do a lot for love.”

  “Will you fight if asked?”

  “Of course,” I said, not even bothering to think about it.

  He shrugged. “It’s sad. Like you’re caught between two things. You’d want to do it for love, but also, think what would happen if you don’t win? That love would destroy you. The reason why you wanted to go out there is the same reason why you lose…”

  “I don’t think of it like that,” I told him honestly. “If chosen, I know the consequences. But to me, I’d die trying to fight for what I love, not dying because of it.”

  “Semantics.”

  I shrugged. “No. That’s just the thought process of someone…” I blew out a breath.

  “Someone worth following,” he said, his lips turning up.

 
The door opened and Connor came strolling back in. “It’s all set. T.J.’s in the training room. I’ll take you down now if you want,” Connor said, looking at Soren.

  Soren nodded and walked past me. Before leaving, he turned around. “Goodbye, Princess. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon.”

  Connor darted back into the room, his gaze narrowed, but a smirk quickly following. “I’m not sure how I feel about you using that name.”

  I shooed them both out, laughing silently to myself as I launched back onto the bed. Outside the window, I could still hear the sounds of impending battle. I picked myself up, walked toward the glass, and shut the curtains before laying back down again. For right now, things were falling into place. I could relax, a little. Maybe. If my body would let me. There was much to do, to prepare for, but even more to be thankful for, and to remind myself what we were fighting for.

  I sent Connor a quick text. I hope you plan on coming back after you show Soren where the training room is…

  I put the phone down and turned it to silent, knowing full well he’d be back as soon as he could.

  Chapter Three

  Connor walked in. I wouldn’t have heard him except I heard the click of the lock falling into place. The room was silent until his knee depressed the bed and his arms folded around me as if they were always meant to be there. We laid silent and still for a long while, just soaking up the others’ warmth.

  Finally, Connor kissed my neck. “Aren’t you going to ask me about the other names?”

  I took his hand, intertwining my fingers with his and then kissed the closest piece of available skin—his forearm. Goosebumps spread over his arm, and I hugged him tight to me. “I have a feeling I know.”

  “You do?”

  I closed my eyes, knowing this would be difficult for Connor to talk about. “I’m not saying they’re going to choose me, but I don’t think it’s too cocky to say I’m sure my name has been brought up.”

  He froze, his body locking up. I felt it all the way in my core. Rubbing his skin, I tried to soothe him. He breathed out, his hot breath caressing my neck. “Yes, your name was mentioned. A few times. More than a few times, and each time I thought Christian was going to come out of his skin.”

  “He has to realize…”

  “He does, but that doesn’t mean he, or any of us, have to like it. Just remember how you felt when Nicolai left us.”

  “That was a low blow,” I grumbled.

  He stifled a laugh into my arm and then moved my hair away from my ear to place a light kiss there. “Just pointing out the obvious, Princess. Just because we know you’re a possibility doesn’t mean we have to like it.”

  “But you won’t interfere, will you?”

  “I won’t,” he said. He hugged me tighter from behind, his fingers pressing into my skin, deepening the touch so I didn’t just feel the physical touch of it, but the pure emotion behind it. His fear, his pride, his…sadness.

  I turned toward him, my hands landing on his shoulders as my leg wound around his. “I love you, Connor Ravana. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that our love has gotten us this far, why wouldn’t it take us all the way to the end?”

  His fingers curled into my sides, his pinky just barely grazing the patch of skin between my shirt and jeans. “If anything happens—”

  I pressed my mouth to his, silencing whatever vow he was about to make. Maybe Soren was right. How could he help if we already thought we would lose? Then again, what if I was right? Wasn’t it still okay to make arrangements? Preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. I poured every last mixed emotion into my kiss. I seared the memory of my lips into his and vice versa in case that was what we needed. I relished in him. I tasted Connor like it was the first time I’d had the chance. He was sweet, and funny, and the most human out of all my princes. I could just as soon see Connor at a frat party as I could at a Council meeting. He was that relatable, and in his averageness, there was something so special.

  I deepened the kiss, breathing into him the life he’d given me. He growled deep in his throat, but in the next instant, he pushed me away. “If anything happens—”

  “Nothing’s going to happen,” I assured him, looking deep into his blue eyes that were filled to the brim with love. Love for me. The stormy seas were almost a memory and I pleaded with him silently to give in, to this moment, to these feelings because that was what I needed right now, and whether he realized it or not, it was what he needed too.

  With a half growl, half grunt, he forced me on my back, pulling my legs up around his waist so I felt the pressure of his thickness between us. I inhaled sharply, a blaze of heat already consuming me. I pitched my hips up to meet his, and his resolve crumbled in an instant. His lips were on mine, needy and all-consuming. His fingers dug under my shirt, kneading into my skin before letting go to peel the piece of clothing off of me. He took only half a second to stare down at me in awe before dropping his head to kiss his way up my abdomen to my bra line where he followed the curve up my chest until I was breathless and squirming beneath him.

  “Oh, Connor.”

  He reached behind, unclasping my bra deftly before pulling it down and allowing himself a taste of my sensitive skin. He clamped his mouth over my nipple and suckled until my toes curled into the bed. He was hardening and lengthening between us, only driving me crazier. I pulled at his shirt and our remaining clothes until it was just us, skin-to-skin, the remnants of everyday life cast aside until there was just what mattered. I cupped his face, telling him with my eyes what I knew deep, deep down. The love we shared would never destroy us. It wasn’t possible. Soren was wrong. Our love would never send me to my death. It just wasn’t possible. That didn’t mean I would escape it, it just meant that our love was there for only the truest of reasons. I didn’t know everything, but I did know that.

  He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and then down as if he’d heard me as clear as if I’d spoken aloud. “I love you.”

  He eased himself inside me, each of us melding into one another. He started out slow, but my fingers dug into him, egging him on. “Show me. Show me the way you want to show me.”

  His eyes sparked as if I’d challenged him. I pressed my hips into his in response and he smirked. His arms locked out, he bared down into me, his hips connecting with mine with a sudden jolt. I gasped at the pressure, and the pleasure. He did it again, but this time, there was no smile when I cried out. He did it again, and again, pumping inside me as fast as he could, his hyper agility in full force so that my pleasure lengthened and never stopped. I came quick, and hard. My insides tightening around him, but Connor only focused further. His eyes set in concentration as his hips moved with the same ferocity as when he started. Biting my lip, I tried to match him. He worked me until my bones felt like jelly and the only thing I could concentrate on was the awareness of him between my legs, driving me higher and higher again with each thrust.

  “God, yes, Connor,” I finally said, reveling in the appreciation he took of me. Already I was climbing toward orgasm again, and watching him only heightened my pleasure.

  I wound my hands around the back of his neck and held on. His blue eyes rammed into mine with utter fullness that I started to break apart again. This one more drawn out than the last. My fingers dug into his neck as the first wave hit. I cried out, my eyes widening as the sensations scorched my insides. Connor trembled, and then he was right there with me. His face contorted into a beautiful mask of relief before he sunk into me again and again, his hardness convulsing inside me.

  Breathless, he fell on top of me and I wound my arms around him, holding him to me as his orgasm subsided. His warring breaths pounded against my chest as if I could feel his heart coming out of his skin. I buried myself into him, tipping my chin and gripping onto him with everything I had in me. If anything happened, oh God, I would miss this… Being close to another being again. I remembered what it was like to have my mom hug me, and Jake. But after that, there was
n’t anyone really. Not until my princes.

  Connor moved us to our sides, me still trying to keep my face hidden, not wanting to let him go for anything. He made small circles on my back with his fingers. “Nothing’s going to happen. I promise.”

  And I’d made the same promise, but the truth was, that really wasn’t something we could promise to one another, was it? I could get chosen. And if chosen, I sure as hell wouldn’t pass it up. It was my duty after all, to keep the Ravanas safe. I would enter that arena. I would fight. I would listen as the songs rose up around me and collided with one another as I stalked the enemy. I would try to win, but that was the thing of it…try. I couldn’t promise I would come out the other side unscathed no matter how much I wanted to.

  Chapter Four

  Christian

  “This is asinine. You can no more send her out there than you could send me, your own son!”

  Mother put her hand on my shoulder as I tried to regroup. My hands shook, my whole body didn’t even seem my own. When they mentioned her name at the meeting, I saw red. I’d blanked out completely. It wasn’t that I didn’t think they would mention her, but surely there were others to send. If there weren’t, what had we done, my brothers and I? Fallen in love with a girl only to send her to her death?

  “You may very well have thought of that before you brought her into this world in the first place, Christian!”my father seethed. He struck me as a cookie cutter replacement of Nicolai then. So much stress, pent up rage, and a deep belief in their heart that they could do better. Always warring within themselves that they could be better. My mother tried to reach out for him, but he pulled away and walked around the other side of the Council room table. I knew he had many other things on his mind. Checkov, for one. He’d managed to not show up for the Council meeting, only leaving us with the reality that his loyalty had changed. He’d left us and went to the enemy.

  My thoughts jumbled over themselves. This wasn’t my father’s fault. He’d done nothing to deserve my bitterness, but he was going to get it anyway because when you were fighting for someone you loved, you didn’t just roll over at the first opposition. That wasn’t even an option. “We didn’t have a choice.”